Tender Snow (A Code Geass Fanfiction)
by Tsukiyuki101
Summary: Post Zero-Requiem: Tsukishima is a 19 year old, Japanese student at Ashford Academy. She was assigned to be Empress Nunnally's handmaiden. Tsukishima is getting closer to Empress Nunnally and as a result, closer to Zero. She notices that Zero is different from before. She plans to find out who is truly behind that mask. (OC X SUZAKU) *Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass characters*
1. Chapter 1

Things have changed a lot since Lelouch the Demon was assassinated by Zero. A lot can happen in two years. The world isn't exactly peaceful, but it's not chaotic. Area 11 is permitted to be called Japan again. We even have a Prime Minister. It still amazes me how Emperor Lelouch managed to become one the most accomplished and the most hated man in the world. He must have really had some ambition. With Empress Nunnally being the ruler of Britannia, Britannians aren't so bad. Granted, there are still some people that prefer the old Britannia, but that's just what they were taught. Emperor Charles brainwashed them. Some people will never be able to understand change. I don't like it, but I do understand it. It's up to this generation to stop the racism and discrimination.

I'm glad that I was able to remain indifferent through everything that's happened. I grew up in the ghettos because I was an 11. Even though Japan belongs to us again, it still doesn't feel right to call ourselves Japanese. I'm proud to be able to call myself Japanese, but I hesitate, clench even, at the thought. I keep thinking that someone is going to strike me. My pride was something that always got me in trouble. Anyway, Japan is rebuilding quickly with the help of most Britannians. However, all schools are segregated with the exception of Ashford Academy. I go to the academy even though I am older than most of the students. I am 19 years old and considered a senior at Ashford. Now, I have an opportunity to further my education. I have resources I didn't have when Japan was area 11. People like to tease me about my age or call me stupid because they think I was held back. School wasn't even an option in Area 11. We had to educate ourselves. I started at Ashford a year ago. I had to take a placement test to see what grade I would be in. I placed as a junior. I'm thankful that my father would take books from Britannians' garbage and bring them home for me to read. He wanted to at least give me some opportunity.

"Tsukishima-chan. Tsukishima-chan!" Empress Nunnally shouted. She was younger than me but also very wise. Wisdom is a trait I respect with admiration. Empress Nunnally and I are closer than acquaintances but not as close as good friends. However, she respects my culture enough to address me as if we're old friends and by my family name. My full name is Tsukishima Yuki. I usually just have people call me Shima or even Tsuki if they want. Most Britanians don't use honorifics when regarding the Japanese. Not even many Japanese use honorifics anymore.

"Oh, sorry my Lady. What can I help you with?" I responded. Whenever Empress Nunnally is in Japan, I serve her here at the Academy. The president of the academy assigned me to. I suppose it's because I'm the oldest. Either way, I've served her since I began school. It's kind of nice though. I don't have to join a school club since I help out.

"You're always dozing off and gazing at nothing. I wonder what goes on in that mind of yours." She muttered, trying to make conversation, "May I call you Shima-chan?" she asked. I nodded with a smile. I don't even know why she asks; we've known eachother for two years. "Shima-chan, what did you think about my brother?" I immediately focused my attention on her, but I could not answer right away. I never expected her to ask me a question like this.

"Well, my Lady, from what you have told me along with what I've heard from the media makes it difficult for me to come up with any answer. I can't tell you what I thought of him as a person because I didn't really know him. I only saw him on the television. However, I did admire his ambitions. Even though he destroyed the world and put it though hell, he didn't fade from his plan –whatever his plan was. That took determination, and I admire it. I like to think that there was an ultimate goal from it, but I suppose we'll never really know what he was thinking." I responded. My answer to Empress Nunnally wasn't entirely truthful. I did see Lelouch once in the Shinjuku ghetto. He was picking on some drug dealers and about to inject himself with refrain, but Kallen Kozuki stopped him. There's no way I could ever tell Empress Nunnally about that. It would crush her. Even after everything he did, she still puts him up on a pedestal. Maybe one day I'll understand it.

Before that moment, I never laid eyes on him before. Then, gossip among the Black Knights and 11's revealed that he was Zero. I never really was extremist or activist. I thought about fighting with resistance groups and joining Zero, but it just felt wrong. I couldn't kill anyone. I wanted the fighting to stop. I didn't think that more fighting would resolve anything, only cause more bloodshed. I just wanted to live in peace. I didn't understand why people couldn't put away their differences and just coincide. I admired Zero and the Black Knight's efforts, but I didn't look up to the way they solved issues. Even though I could have become an Honorary Britannian, I saw no point. The system was pointless, and I never thought that anyone could change it. But then, Suzaku Kururugi started coming up in the world. He even became a Knight of the Round. He was the Lancelot pilot. I started to think that if he could do it, then maybe other Japanese people had a chance. Maybe the system could work.

"I suppose I didn't really expect a different answer from you. You're Japanese. You probably hated my brother most of all. Especially after he used your people for his own gain," interrupted the Empress. I nodded my head,

"Empress, believe me when I say I felt no resentment toward your brother. I have no resentment for anyone. We're only human. People make mistakes and grow from them. Nunnally, you're brother practically raised you. Look at what a beautiful young lady you've become. He taught you compassion and forgiveness. There's no way he could be as cruel as the books or anyone make him out to be. Even though he did commit harsh crimes, there was compassion in your brother somewhere." She smiled slightly, but I could still see that she didn't believe me. "The least we can do is still keep his memory alive in our hearts."

"Shima. Why are you so forgiving and why do you give people the benefit of the doubt?" asked Nunnally.

"Well," I started, "I'm not really sure. I've always been that way. I guess I realized that there are always two sides of a story. Who are we to deem which side is correct?" Empress Nunnally smiled,

"Shima, why don't we become official friends? I really enjoy your company. Some of my advisors suggested that I find a Britannian maiden, but I'd rather keep you. I've never really had a close friend, well, besides Euphemia," The conversation practically came to a stop, as flashbacks of the first attempt of the special zone invaded my mind: images of Princess Massacre and all the Britannians gladly helping. I was there with my mother that day. "Shima? What do you say?" she urged. I forced myself to respond in a timely manner, my voice started to break,

"Forgive me, my lady. You just caught me off guard with the mention of Princess Euphemia. It was just a tragic day for my people. But I acc-" A knock on the door interrupted my response. Right before my eyes entered Zero. I never understood who this new Zero was. He obviously isn't the original Zero because this Zero never speaks; if he does it's very rare. He doesn't have the same dramatic flair as the previous Zero. He just silently observes and justly defends. He is also more skilled in hand-to-hand combat and a better athlete in general. I wonder if anyone else has noticed. Maybe I just noticed because I've been able to observe him for the past two years. I know for a fact that this can't be the same Zero.

"Is it time?" asked Nunnally. Zero nodded. "Shima, I have to go to a meeting, but you're free to hang out in the room or go back to the your place. I wont be upset about what you choose."

"I'll just stay in here. I'll organize some papers or something. See you whenever your meeting is finished!" I replied. Zero escorted her out of the Academy. Even though Nunnally is powerful, she isn't a very good organizer. I'm not a clean freak, but I do like to keep things picked up whenever I have time. Although, I do understand that she doesn't exactly have time to keep the place clean, as if she could really do much because of that restricting wheel chair. I unpacked her bags, hung her clothes up, dusted, vacuumed, and saved the worst for last: the paper work. I hate organizing paperwork the most. I feel like I'm looking at forbidden knowledge. It was piled on the desk. Most of the papers were political issues or territory. Britannia keeps losing territory. All that's going to be left is the Homeland if they aren't careful. Maybe that's what Empress Nunnally wants. Within two hours, I had all of the papers organized and laid out on her desk in alphabetical order. Underneath it all, I found something strange for a Britannian Empress to have: an origami paper crane.


	2. Chapter 2

My mother taught me how to make them when I was just a kid. She told me if you make a thousand of them, then your wish would come true. Origami is a Japanese art. I wondered how Nunnally knew how to make them. My father was killed during the Shinjuku ghetto incident. When. My mother was killed during the special zone commemoration. Britannian forces shot her. I tried to carry her, but she told me to leave her behind and run. She told me that she wouldn't have made it even if I did carry her out. That was the hardest decision of my life. Now, I'm on my own. Empress Nunnally returned, interrupting my thoughts.

"Shima-chan! We're back!" Nunnally shouted as she was escorted into the room.

"How was your meeting?" I asked.

"Oh, it was so boring. More talk about territory. Full bloods trying to convince me to do what they want. You know. Same old, same old." I nodded. Zero stood there silently as always. Nunnally continued, "Whoa! You really cleaned the place up didn't you, Shima?"

"Well, I had time. I figured it's the least I could do. It's really no big deal."

"No. It definitely is! How would you like to go out to dinner with Zero and me tonight? It's the least I can do to thank you."

"Oh, my Lady. A thank you isn't really necessary." I responded trying to brush it off.

"No. I insist." She said smiling, grabbing my hand. I finally gave in. I couldn't say no to those beautiful eyes and her sweet smile.

"My lady, where exactly are we going for dinner? I'm not too sure how I should dress."

"We're going to a dinner party. It's a Britannian and Japanese social! I organized it."

"My Lady, I understand that your intentions are pure, but are you sure it's a good idea? Not all Britannians are as forgiving as you are."

"Shima, how is anyone going to learn to like one another if they are always trying to avoid each other? That's why I make these fancy formals."

"But what if someone gets angry that there are Japanese attending?"

"Then they will be escorted out of my social. Anyway, I never thought of you as the type to get discouraged so easily."

"I'm not. I just don't think this is a good idea."

"Do you have a formal dress to wear?" she asked. Come to think of it. I don't. There was no need for dresses in the past. I shook my head. "Well, it's a little late to buy one. I have dresses, but they might be a little tight on you around the breast area. I'm an A cup. You seem to look like a C."

"Empress!" I exclaimed, blushing and covering myself. "You're so forward! There's a guy here! He doesn't need to know about-" I inched closer, and whispered, "about our lady parts." She just laughed.

"It's just Zero! Zero, will you escort us to my room?"

"I thought this was your room."

"Oh no. This is just where most of my stuff is. I have another room at the academy where I keep more permanent things. For example, I keep all my formal clothes in that room so I don't have to pack them whenever I go back to the homeland. I also have many more dresses in the homeland. It's just easier this way since I travel back and forth a lot." She explained. Zero guided us to the elevator and to the second floor library. No one was in there because it was the weekend. Zero pulled a book out and opened it. He put it in Nunnally's face. It scanned her face and the walls opened: Empress Nunnally's secret room. It was huge. I stared in awe. It was glamorous. "Zero if you don't mind, could you please leave the room?" she asked. He left. "Alright, choose whatever you like. There were so many dresses, but there was one that stood out to me. It was a bright and bold, solid red dress. It hung on one shoulder. There were embellishments around the breast.

"Can I try that one on?" I asked, pointing at it.

"I've never even touched that dress before. I don't even remember why I have it. If it fits, you can have it."

"Really?" I asked, more excited than ever. I stripped down right there and zipped it on. It was a little snug around my breast and hips, but the dress looked gorgeous.

"I think it was supposed to be a casual, loose formal gown, but you've turned it into a seductive dress. I like it. " I tried to walk, but my legs were restricted by the tightness of the gown. "Oh no. You can't dance like that! Zero!" she yelled, "Can you bring me some scissors?" Zero entered with scissors and Nunnally cut the dress from the bottom to my upper thigh and made a slit. "There! Now, the dress looks even better!" She yelled in excitement.

"Are you sure it's not too revealing?" I asked in uncertainty.

"Trust me. You'll look like a saint compared to what most Britannian women wear to these things. Now, you have to finish getting ready. Make-up is in the bathroom. Shoes are in the closet. Help yourself." I went into the bathroom. This dress looked great on me. I was kind of excited for this formal. I had never been to one before. I applied my make-up. Contoured my face. Smokey eyes. Nude lips. I put my hair in a loose ponytail that rested on my left shoulder, leaving my other shoulder naked and exposing my neck. I walked into the shoe closet and found tons of different type and sized shoes. It looked like a shoe store. I found a pair of strappy, black high-heels. They were perfect.

"How do I look?" I asked Empress Nunnally.

"You look great. Here," she said, handing me a pair of dangling, diamond earrings.

"You look great too, Empress." I replied. She was wearing a sleeveless-short, baby pink dress. It was a sweetheart cut, so nothing was too revealing. She wore her hair in a bun, with a small tiara. She also wore a shear, white shawl around her neck. She looked so innocent, while I looked like her opposite.

"To the party!" she exclaimed, but first she grabbed for something in the corner. They looked like crutches, but they attached to her forearms. She attached them and it was like she was walking, just with assistance.

"Lady Nunnally. You make it look so easy."

"Yeah. I've been taking physical therapy classes for my legs. I believe that I can overcome this abnormality. I can't exactly walk like a normal person yet, but I can stand up with these crutches. Even though I'm using my arms, it feels really good to stand up. I can even attempt to dance!" she replied, again with her sweet smile. We walked out of the room and secured it, then headed to the elevator. I kept seeing my reflection in the glass windows, but I couldn't keep myself from hiding my excitement. I looked so cool.

The red dress really brought out my Asian features. It contrasted nicely with my black hair and my light brown eyes. We walked toward the car. Zero just kept his head turned away from us. He was so mysterious. After 20 minutes, we arrived at the place. The building was beautiful. There was a garden in the courtyard and vines growing on the building. It looked like something you'd find in the EU. "This building is where our Ambassador meets whenever we have diplomatic concerns with Japan. But I have the authority to hold social gatherings here. " The place was guarded by Knightmares. So if anyone tried anything, they'd be shot down in the blink of an eye.

The party was huge. There were so many high-ranking officials. Gino Weinberg attended with Kallen Kozuki. It was amazing to see a nobleman not care about race. Though Kallen is a half-breed, she proudly claims her Japanese side. She looked incredible. Wearing a simple, sleeveless black, tight fitted gown. There was a slit on both sides, so her legs were exposed. She wore black knee-high, high-heeled boots. Her hair was about shoulder length and straightened. Milly Ashford was as revealing as ever and hosted the party. This was so cool.

"I can see that you're very excited." Nunnally laughed. "You should go mingle. I'm going over there to talk to Milly and Nina."

"I've never really been good at mingling. But I guess I can act like I am so Nunnally doesn't worry about me," I thought to myself. I headed over toward the food: cheese and wine. "The drinking age is 20, but I'm only a year behind. Ah, I'll drink it anyway." I contemplated. I downed the whole glass.

"Hey sexy lady!" a man yelled as they grabbed my butt. I turned around and elbowed them in the face; he fell on the ground. Thankfully, no one was paying any attention. It was Shinichiro Tamaki from the former Black Knights. He was drunk out of his mind. We knew eachother from when we were kids. Before the war, he would come to my house because my mom would always make him really good food. He was always a freeloader.

"Tamaki? What are you doing here?" I asked, annoyed.

"Oh God. Shima? Why are you here! Oh God. I just grabbed your… You're like my sister!" He whined.

"I'm here with Empress Nunnally. She invited me here tonight." I replied.

"So, what. Are you like her servant or something? Did you sell your soul to those Britannian demons!" he shouted, drunkenly. I crouched down,

"Will you lower your voice? You'll get kicked out for being so disorderly. And no, I am not her servant. I am her handmaiden and her friend. Not all Britannians are bad, you know."

"Yeah, yeah. You do know handmaiden is a fancy word for female servant right?" he scoffed.

"Wait. Why are you here if you still hate Britannians so much!"

"The free booze. Why else?" he answered.

"Well, it was nice seeing you again. I'm going to go over there." I told him. I had no idea where I was going, just anywhere away from Tamaki. I grabbed two more glasses of wine and headed for the balcony door. I leaned against the balcony admiring the night sky, while finishing my second glass of wine; the moon was full and bright, and it shined beautifully on the party.

"Who is that girl?" I heard someone say in the background. "She's dressed as if she's someone important."

"There's no way. Can't you see? She's an 11. Just some filthy 11," a man scoffed. I wanted to say something, but I held my tongue. I was so sick of racism, from both sides. I just didn't get it. We are all human.

"You're not supposed to call _them_ 11's anymore, you know."

"Yeah and who's gonna do something about? That cripple we call an Empress?" After he said that, my blood boiled. Empress Nunnally isn't really trusted by the Japanese because she's Britannian and for her to be insulted by her own people made my blood boil. I downed the remaining wine from my second glass, then the third glass. Then, I approached him.

"Hey!" I interrupted, "I don't care if you talk bad about me, but Empress Nunnally is a wonderful person. She's a better person than you low lives could ever dream of being!_" Why did I do that?_ _It must be the alcohol._ The man inched closer to me, flung the empty wine glasses I was holding, and grabbed my hair, trying to intimidate me. "Go ahead. Hit me. It'll only further my point about how low you are." I exclaimed coldly. _Why did I continue to say these things? I'm going to get myself killed. _He let go of my head and laughed. Then, he punched me in my abdomen and then kicked me in my ribcage, repeating the phrase, "You filthy savage. I'll show you a low life." I fell to the ground, clutching abdomen.

I tried to brace myself for the beating, but tensing up only made it worse. Everyone on the balcony just stood there, doing nothing. They just continued on with there daily conversations. Some of them even went inside, just so they wouldn't have to see it. I could've defended myself, but it wouldn't help my people. The media would only cover the side that made me look like the criminal –the savage. I let him kick me around so everyone would see who the real savages are. My ribs hurt so badly. They stung with every breath I took. It was painful to the extent that I couldn't even breathe. I was gasping for air. They were probably cracked if not broken. Finally, someone stopped him. All I heard was my attacker fall to the ground. I looked up to see Zero being engulfed in the moonlight, offering his hand to me. I tried to grab it, but it was difficult for me to stand. Even lifting my arm somehow hurt my ribs. So instead, he kneeled down in front of me.


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you alright?" He asked, "I'm sorry I got here too late. I could've prevented this from happening." Zero said apologetically. This was the first time I had heard his voice. I had been around him and Nunnally for two years, and I was finally hearing his voice. His voice was different from the first Zero. This voice was softer, gentler.

"Y-yes. Thank you very much. It's fine. I probably should've kept my mouth shut." I replied, trying to force myself up, "Ah!" I shrieked in pain.

"Let me help you," he demanded. Zero picked me up with ease, bridal style. He carried me inside, and everyone's attention was on us. I wondered if anyone saw what happened outside. I looked at my arms. There were tiny cuts all over. It must've been from the broken wine glasses. Zero took me to a staircase outside the doors of the party. "I'll be right back," he said. 5 minutes later, he returned with a first aid kit. He kneeled down and began cleaning my wounds with an alcohol pad.

"Tsk! That burns," I flinched.

"I know, but it's going to help them heal faster. So let me do it." He responded. I let him treat my wounds while I looked the opposite direction, blushing. "So, do you ever do anything fun?" I asked trying to make conversation, so I could try to get my mind off something besides the lingering pain in my abdomen and ribs.

"Assisting Empress Nunnally is my responsibility, as well as standing for justice."

"You avoided my question. What do you do to unwind?"

"I don't. Being Zero is a 24/7 job. I have no time or reason to do anything 'fun'."

"But you're only human you know. What's the point of living if life is miserable? You have to make it un-miserable." I blurted. He didn't say anything. He just continued to wrap my arms in bandages. I was being so careless with my words this evening.

"There. All done."

"I look like a mummy," I laughed. "Ouch!"

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing. Just laughing made my abdomen hurt. I think they might be bruised, if not broken. Anyway, thank you, though. So, where are you off to now?"

"I'm just going to watch over the party."

"How about you have one dance with me?" I asked. I was going out on a limb here, just to see how he would react. I just wanted to know more about him. I wanted him to have fun. He's always so serious and speechless.

"Not to be rude, but how are you supposed to dance if you can barely stand? Shouldn't you go home?"

I was taken aback, "Eh, I didn't think about that one. Well, why don't you just take me under your wing for the night?"

"What do you mean by that exactly?

"You know, why don't we just sit and observe the party together and chit-chat?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure that would be a good idea. I gave up earthly treasures the day I decided to put on this mask,"

"Earthly treasures? Having a conversation is not an earthly treasure, but rather an essential part of life. I'm sure Nunnally is having fun speaking with old friends."

"I still don't think this is a good idea."

"Let's go ask Nunnally what she thinks," I shouted as I grabbed his hand and staggered my way to her. I dragged him with me, slowly. It took us 10 minutes to find her with my staggering. "Empress Nunnally? Don't you think Zero should let loose for tonight? You know, just talk a little. I need you to convince him."

She giggled, "Wow, Shima. Aren't you being assertive tonight?"

"I had a little wine, just so I wouldn't be awkward. I probably wouldn't be doing this if I hadn't drunk it." I laughed. She told him to just be normal for the night. He just sighed as if being normal were a pain. "Go with Shima, Zero. It'll be okay. It's healthy." He wandered toward a table in the very back of the ballroom, so he could see the entire room in the event of any other incidents; I dizzily followed him. We sat there quietly for at least 10 minutes, watching everyone dance and enjoy themselves. The dizziness got worse as I sat there. My body started swaying. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't really know what to talk about. There were so many questions to ask, but I doubt he'd answer anything.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" he asked with his head turned the opposite direction, catching me off-guard. I had no idea he could even see me from that angle.

"Uh, sorry." I replied, bowing my head to him. We sat in silence once again. I felt so light, dizzy but light.

"Working out."

"What?" I asked, staring at him blankly.

"The thing that I like to do to unwind and keep my sanity; it's working out." He said. My eyes opened wide and the edges of my mouth turned into a smirk. He opened up to me, just a little. I just couldn't believe it. Although I've always been intrigued by this new Zero, my pursuit in finding out more about him was very sudden. I'm glad that I've made progress so soon. "So why are you talking to me all of a sudden? You've been helping out Nunnally for 2 years. You've seen me. Why now?" he bluntly asked.

"Um. Well, do you want an honest answer or a typical one?"

"Honest answer."

"Okay," I took a deep breath, "During the two years that I have helped out with Empress Nunnally whenever she is in Japan, I have been observing you and comparing you to the previous Zero. Recently, I came to the definite conclusion that you are not the same Zero as before. You never speak. You aren't as dramatic. You are more athletic, and you aren't as deceptive. You only do things for justice; there are never any tricks or hidden agendas. So, I decided that I would try to get to know you to see if I could find out who you really are. I admire this Zero more than the previous one." I really hoped he wasn't offended by my honest answer.

"You know," he murmured, "you are pretty observant. No one else has caught on yet. I can't tell you that you're wrong because you aren't. But I'm sorry to say that you will never find out my identity because the face that lies behind this mask is of a dead man. My identity died, and I forever became Zero the day I put on this mask. "

"I'm not going to stop trying you know. You are always helping others, but you never do anything for yourself. That's no way to live. You may be a symbol of hope but you are also human. I've seen Nunnally change over time, but you are still the same." I replied. I wanted to be his friend. I've made friends with Nunnally. He didn't say anything. We sat there for 10 minutes. I definitely made him shut down. It was so silent. I started focusing on how my body felt. I was hot and dizzy. My stomach ached. "Oh no. Oh no. No, no, no" I exclaimed, clutching my stomach. Zero turned his head to see what I was doing. "Help me."

"What do you mean hel-"

"Please. Take me outside. Actually, just take me somewhere away from people."

"What's wrong?"

"Please. Just take me now." He picked me up and took me outside on the balcony. There was a couple out there. I felt bad that I was about to ruin their moment. As soon as we got out there, I jumped out of his arms and onto the ground. I crawled toward the edge, and I started throwing up profusely. The couple retreated inside, and Zero stood there aimlessly, not knowing what to do. I continued throwing up for another 5 minutes. After it was over, I rolled onto my side in fetal position.

"What should I do?" Zero asked.

"Just tell Nunnally." I whispered, holding myself. I thought I had a decent buzz, but I'm throwing up like a drunk. Zero approached, accompanied by Nunnally.

"Well, the party is basically over. We can leave now. I hired a cleaning crew to do the cleaning. Oh. Did something happen?"

"Zero didn't tell you?"

"No. He just told me you wanted to leave,"

"I think I drank too much, too fast. Please. Can we go?" I asked. She nodded and Zero carried me to the car. The car ride was the worst. I thought I was going to puke more. Finally, we made it back to the school.

"Tonight was fun. Thank you so much." I told her, hugging her.

"No problem! I had fun too. You should go to sleep, Shima."

"No, no. I'm fine!" I shouted, "See?" I exclaimed, trying to walk a straight line.

"Good night, Shima-chan!" she laughed, "Would you like Zero to escort you? You are still hurt."

"Oh, no thank you. My room is on the second floor, right outside the elevator." I responded. I waved and smiled as we parted directions. I got on the elevator and collapsed along the wall. My body was completely exhausted. My arms stung, and my abdomen and ribs ached. When I reached my floor, I dragged myself from the elevator and through my bedroom door. It was dark and cool. My cup of tea was still on the table where I left it. I threw it in the microwave for a couple of minutes. While I did that, I stripped down. I took off my bra and threw on a T-shirt large enough to barely hide my underwear. I took my tea out of the microwave and spilt and broke it. I just laid on the floor next to it. I closed my eyes, and I began to replay the night through my head. _Zero's such a mysterious person_, I thought to myself. When I opened my eyes, my cat crouched next to me and purred, "Kuro, why is Zero so mysterious?" Kuro meowed and crawled onto my leg and curled into a ball. I sighed, "You're no help. Why did I say those things? It's not like we're close friends. It was probably the alcohol. Am I really that much of a lightweight? Am I sober yet? I think I am. Ugh, what am I even doing," My abs hurt. I hadn't looked at them yet. I decided to lift my shirt up and take a peek. I looked down. They were badly bruised, painted the colors of black, red, and blue. I wasn't even sure how one should go about taking care of an injury like this. I heard a knock on my door. "Coming. Coming." I shouted as I made my way answer it, "Yes?" I asked, looking up. It was Zero. His masked examined me, up and down, then up once more.

"Maybe you should put some bottoms on." He urged, looking away. I looked down and realized that I just answered the door in my underwear.

"I am so sorry. Please come in. Take a seat while I find something more suitable to put on." I replied. I guided him through my door to my kitchen table. "Would you like me to make you some tea or coffee?" He glanced at the broken glass and nodded no. "What about some-"

"Could you please just put some clothes on?" he asked in a shrill voice.

"Oh. Sure thing." I moped to my room. I hated wearing pants. Luckily, I had a pair of snowman patterned pajama pants. I put those on and went out there to find Zero playing with Kuro. "His name is Kuro. Pretty cute, huh?"

"You named him Kuro, the Japanese word for dark?"

"Yeah. He's a black cat. I didn't want to name him something random. Like why is Arthur named Arthur? That's such a strange name for a cat. Anyway, not to be rude, but why are you here?"

"I just wanted to see how you were feeling."

"I'm feeling fine. My midsection is bruised up pretty badly. I'm not really sure how to treat it though." Although I replied calmly, I was taken aback. I figured that he wouldn't go out of his way to see how I was doing.

"Ah. Do you think they are broken? How bad do they hurt?"

"It feels like an electric shock if I move a certain way. It hurts to lie down in any position and it is very difficult to breathe. The harder I breathe, the worse the pain. So, I'm not sure if they are broken or bruised, but it definitely is a pain that sucks." I laughed. Zero did not.

"I wish you wouldn't laugh at the situation. You are hurt because I didn't step in sooner. I just feel horrible about your injuries."

"Zero, the only one responsible for my injuries is myself. If I wasn't drinking, then I probably wouldn't have said those things, and I wouldn't have gotten hurt. So please don't feel responsible." He got up and sat me down in the chair he was sitting on.

"You said you didn't know how to treat it. Do you have healing ointment?"

"Yes. But what will it actually heal?"

"Where is it?"

"The hallway closet." Zero went in search of it. Then, he proceeded to pull out gauze from his pocket.

"Ahem. Um. Lift up your shirt." He demanded, nervously.

"I can do this myself you know."

"Yes. I know, but it'll be difficult doing it yourself. This is the least I can do."

"Fine." I answered, pulling up my shirt to reveal my bruised abdomen and rib cage. He opened the healing ointment and squeezed it into the palm of his gloved hand. Then, he slapped in on me, first on the ribcage, then slowly toward the abdominal. I was getting a little nervous. A man was rubbing my midsection with ointment. After he was finished, he took off his glove. He had an olive skin tone, similar to my skin color. His hands were large and his fingers were long and boney. He took the gauze and wrapped them around my abdomen, smothering the healing ointment. When he was finished, he taped it down. I let my shirt down, and put everything up.

"There you go. The healing ointment should help calm the redness and lower the swelling a little. I just put the gauze on so it wouldn't rub off while you sleep."

"Thank you very much. You really didn't have to do that."

"It wasn't a problem. Well, I guess I should let you get some rest. You should also take a few pain killers, so it isn't so painful when you try to sleep." He said, heading toward the door. I wanted to say something, anything to make him stay. However, nothing would come out.

"Zero!" I shouted from the kitchen chair.

"Yes?" He answered at the door. I didn't know what to say next. Why did I even call his name?

"Um, thank you very much for today and this. I really appreciate it. And I'm sorry for bugging you earlier. Please just forget it; I usually wouldn't have acted that way." He nodded and walked out the door, as the door came to a close I heard the words, "You're welcome, Shima."

He called my name. Although he probably thought that I didn't hear him. My heart warmed and chills flooded my body with goose bumps. Maybe it was a good thing that I said those things to him. He doesn't seem to hate me. I got up and went to my room, where I collapsed onto my bed.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, I woke up in excruciating pain and soreness. Everything just hurt so much; my abdomen, my ribs, my arms, and even my head from when my hair got pulled. Kuro was nibbling at my bandaged arms. I sighed and strained to sit up. I checked my phone. It was 1 in the afternoon. Thankfully, it was a Sunday, so there was no class. There were no missed calls, only an apology text from Takumi. I forced myself to fight through the pain and got out of my bed. The first thing I did was clean up my broken mug from the night before. Then, I filled up Kuro's bowl with fresh water and food. After that, I started brewing some coffee and then tottered toward the bathroom. I pulled out my toothbrush and began brushing my teeth while I turned on the hot water. I began to undress. I noticed the bandages and remembered last night. I began to unravel them. My abdomen wasn't as inflamed, but it was still bruised prominently. My arms were covered in tiny cuts that were beginning to scab over. I would have to wear bandages for the next week so people wouldn't see them. I hopped in the shower and enjoyed being immersed in the steaming hot water. It was soothing to my injuries. I began thinking of Zero and couldn't help myself from smiling. I was so happy that he came by to check on me. Though, I wondered if he came by because I was drunk or if he wanted to see how my injuries were. I had so many, endless questions about Zero.

When I finally ended my shower, I threw on my baby pink robe. I hated putting clothes on directly after a shower. I enjoyed walking around in my robe for a little bit before I put clothes on. I strolled into my kitchen where I made a cup of coffee with milk and sugar. I gazed out my window at the bright blue sky. Daydreaming of finding love. It wasn't something I was very concerned about when I was living in the ghettos and in the wilderness, but now, I could afford to daydream about such luxurious things.

Thinking about my past made my heart throb. It started remembering the day of the massacre. My mother and I were both so excited about the Special Administrated Zone. We were living nomadically in the Tokyo Settlement and Shinjuku ghetto. We would sleep in alleyways, abandoned shacks and train stations, and even public bathroom stalls. We didn't have any money. Work was scarce for the Japanese. Many turned to drug dealing and doing dirty jobs for money, but it was never enough money to support a home. It was just petty cash. To find food, we would dig through garbage and when times got bad enough, we would steal from Britannian shops. Soon after, we heard of Princess Euphemia's proposal of the special zone. It was to take place around Mount Fuji. We applied and were accepted. Mount Fuji was a 24-hour walk from Shinjuku. Mother's health was not in good shape because of malnutrition and over exhaustion. We split the trip into 4 days of walking for 6 hours and then camping out. When we finally arrived, everyone was screaming for joy and just exhilarated beyond belief. The crowds went even wilder when Zero appeared. My mother and I were in the back of the crowd that day. Then after Princess Euphemia returned from her talk with Zero, she began shooting, executing the Japanese by the handful, asking us to die. At first, we couldn't tell what was going on, but then the soldiers on guard in their Knightmares were told to annihilate us. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I grabbed my mother's arm and ran. I ran as fast as I possibly could, but then the unfortunate happened. My mother got shot in her legs and in her back.

"Oka-san, get up. Please, try to get up," I cried, trying to drag her. She couldn't move anything past her torso. She closed her eyes and smiled,

"Go on without me, Yuki. I can't even walk, yet alone run away with you."

"Oka-san, I'll carry you if I have to. Please, get on my back," but she refused. I tried picking her up myself, but I was too weak. I had no muscle. Ignoring the indisputable fact that I was weak, I put her arms around my neck and drug her with me. "It's okay, Oka-san. I can take you with me. We can escape together. We can go somewhere far from here. Right, Oka-san?" I sobbed. Behind us, Japanese were still being slaughtered. I could hear their howls for a savior to come and screams of agony. I just wanted to disappear. My mother maneuvered her way out of my pitiful piggyback ride and collapsed to the ground.

"Yuki, you have to leave me behind. You'll be slaughtered!" she bellowed. I couldn't believe that she was about to make the choice to die.

"But Oka-san, I can't l-"

"Yuki! I've lived a wonderful life as your mother and as a wife to your father, but my time is up. Just accept it. Stop fighting it. Fate has already claimed me. Even if you could save me, I would most likely die from infection." She was sobbing and so was I. My only other family was dying right in front of me, and there was nothing I could do to save her because I was not strong enough. She grabbed my hand and held it against her cheek, "Yuki. You're going to do wonderful things with your life. When this war is over, I hope that you don't hold any grudges. Go to Lake Motosu. Our old house might be there still." I clutched her hands to my face, sobbing. "Yuki. Go." I tried to pull myself together, but I just couldn't. I wanted to keep talking to her. I didn't want to leave her, but I had to.

"She has chosen to die, so that I could have a chance to live. I can't let her death be in vain," I thought to myself before I left. I kissed her hand and smiled at her with a face full of tears; then, I turned away and ran. As I ran away, I could still hear my mother sobbing and whimpering. I also heard gunshots. I didn't hear her sobs after that. I wanted to look back to see if she was really dead, but I had to tell myself to keep looking forward. Looking back would only hurt me and result in my death. I sprinted as fast as I could to get out of that stadium, even though it was hard to see from all the tears that kept gushing down my face. There were corpses everywhere. There were women and children lying motionless and lifeless in pools of blood and bullet shells. There were Britannians everywhere with their Knightmare frames. I had to sneak my way to the exit. I ran along the walls and hid under some of the corpses. I waited until there was a distraction, and then bolted for the exit. I kept running. I had no idea where I was going. Eventually, I came across the Kururugi Shrine. I hid myself in there to take shelter.

There were broken picture frames of the former Prime Minister and of Suzaku Kururugi. I raided through closets and drawers of old clothes and layered my body with them generously. Finding that shrine saved my life. There was nothing left for me in Shinjuku. Though, I couldn't permanently stay at the shrine. I had to go to Lake Motosu. It was a special place for my family. My father took us there after Genbu Kururugi killed himself. My father knew that Britannia would seize the opportunity and strike the cities first. So, he took us to Lake Motosu because it was the most westward of Tokyo that we could get without being too far. The west was the safest place to be. We lived in the wilderness. We caught our food, filtered our water, and made a home there for 5 years. My father would go into surrounding towns and steal clothes and books for me to read. Then, my father decided he wanted to go back to Shinjuku because he heard that it was rebuilding and prospering. I loved Lake Motosu. I never knew why Oka-san wouldn't go back there. I asked her after father was killed, but she refused.

I lurked around the Kururugi Shrine for about a month before I finally left for Lake Motosu. It was a 9 hour walk from the shrine, but I made it all in one day. There, I found sanctuary in my old home. I found books that I had to leave behind and old clothes that were too small for me to wear. I took refuge there from January of 2018 until July. After that, I packed up and went to Lake Kawaguchi. It was closer to the Tokyo Settlement. I knew that it wasn't safe to go back yet, but I was able to get more information about Britannia that way.

After I heard news that Emperor Lelouch was killed, I decided to wait a month before I made my way back to Shinjuku. That's when I found out that Ashford Academy offered a non-segregated school environment. So, I enrolled as quickly as I could and took the placement test. That was just two years ago; now, it's 2020 and I've come so far. Well, not exactly two years yet but almost.

I reverted my thoughts back to present time issues. I wanted something closer than a friend. I was the oldest student at school; it made me feel pathetic no matter what I told myself. Tamaki was my only friend from my childhood. I had no real friends at school because studying, working, or helping out Nunnally was my top priority. Not to mention, none of the other students even tried to talk to me. Even though I got hurt, last night was my first fun night in a long time. Did I have a wonderful time because I was drunk? Was it because I was with Zero? I felt like I was coming off as a crazed fan girl. I wasn't even sure of my own desires anymore.

I finally snapped out of my wild thoughts and tended to my injuries. It was more difficult wrapping my abdomen myself. It made more even more thankful that Zero helped me out with that. After I finished wrapping my abdomen and arms, I had to decide what to wear. Luckily, it wasn't raining like it usually would in April. It was warm and bright outside, so I figured a strapless, short white spring dress would be appropriate. It had layers of white mesh and ruffles underneath. I wore a light grey cardigan over it to conceal my bandaged arms. Finally, I threw on a little make-up and styled my hair in a loose ponytail. Then, I grabbed Kuro to take with me and sauntered down to Nunnally's room to see if I could assist her with anything.

I knocked on her door, but there wasn't an answer. So, I knocked another time and waited five minutes before knocking one last time. There was still no answer. The door creaked open.

"Okay. That was weird." I whispered out loud, as I snuck in her room. The blinds were opened and there was breakfast still on the table. It looked like someone was here, but there wasn't a sign of anyone. I glanced back at the table and saw a note. I picked it up immediately, and it read: "Hello! Look's like you've discovered that I am missing. Can you find me before the day is over? If you don't then something bad will happen. Clue number one: T**e**a**mwo**rk is crucial. With it, anything is possible. T**e**a**mwo**rk was achieved here already. T**e**a**mwo**rk, don't forget to keep it steady. Can you unlock the door that was unlocked before? Xoxo, Nunnally"

"What the heck is this? Is she in trouble? Is this a prank?" I shouted loudly. I heard a noise from behind me and turned toward its direction. It was Zero.

"What are you shouting about? What is that?" he asked in a calm tone.

"It's some kind of weird scavenger hunt letter that looks like it's from Nunnally. It's telling me to find her or else something bad will happen." I explained, handing it to him. Zero's attention was completely on the letter. He examined it closely. "It does look like her handwriting," I said, "But why is it worded so dangerously? Do you think she was forced to write it by some stranger that wants a ransom!?" I yelped. My mind was chaotically confused and disorganized.

"No. This is Nunnally having fun with us. It's her way of pushing us to work together."

"How is this going to push us together? I'm totally freaking out, while you are over here calm, relaxed, and have no doubt in your mind that she's okay."

He gave the come hither motion and directed his finger to the letter, "Look. The word 'teamwork' is written three times and each time there are certain letters that are bolded. Those letters are 'e', 'm', 'w', and 'o'. Do you know what that is?" I shook my head no. "It's the letters that form the word 'meow'. That's how I know it is Nunnally."

"Could you explain how the word 'meow' is a sign that this note was really from Nunnally?" I asked.

"During the times when Lelouch and Nunnally went to school together, and during most of the school festivals, there was always a kickoff phrase. Nunnally always picked, 'meow'. I know this because she told me some of those stories before."

I nodded, "So. I know next to nothing about Nunnally's life before she became Empress. How am I supposed to help?"

"I'm sure there's some things you could help with. We won't know until we try. Teamwork is the point she's trying to make to us. Ready to find Nunnally, teammate?" He asked, holding out his gloved hand. He was much more open with me. I wondered if it was for the sake of Nunnally's scavenger hunt. Maybe Nunnally was doing this because she knew that I wouldn't know how to approach him after last night. She is known for being very insightful. I wondered if Zero would have approached me if the letter weren't there. The scavenger hunt was my shot to get closer to Zero. I reached for his hand and shook it. Smiling, I replied, "Let's do this, teammate."


	5. Chapter 5

"Where do you think we should go first?" I asked, looking down at the note for any clues.

"The student council room." He answered almost immediately. I nodded and followed him closely. I was carrying Kuro in my arms while Arthur tagged along behind us. I assumed that the student council room was where the school festivals began.

Inside the room, there were dozens of open boxes with decorations and other activity materials that looked as if they hadn't been touched in ages. The room was dark and blanketed in dust. There haven't been any school festivals at this school since Lelouch became Emperor. I've never even taken part in any kind of festival.

"Zero," I uttered, "Have you ever been to a school festival?"

"Yeah. What about you?"

"No. They don't have school festivals here anymore. There isn't even a student council. The school is very strict now compared to stories that I've heard about it before I went here."

"Ah. You would like school festivals Shima. They're lively and fun. Why don't you ask the Chancellor for permission to have one?"

"It would be nice. However, the board still consists of Britannians. Not all Britannians feel as sympathetic toward the Japanese. Some still harbor hatred toward us. Honestly, I am still surprised I am allowed to attend this school. We still have to wear Britannian colored and patterned uniforms, but I doubt the rest of the student body minds. They are all Britannian." I answered, looking away from him.

"I'm sorry that you have to be subjected to all of this inequality. Empress Nunnally and I are trying our best to mend this racism." Zero replied, kneeling down to pet Arthur.

"No. I understand that racism has nothing to do with you. I don't think it will ever go away, but I do think that with time, we can lessen the racism between Japan and Brita-"

"Are you okay?"

"Ah. Yeah. Arthur just likes to bite my hand sometimes," he laughed nervously, holding his right hand. He took off his glove to inspect his hand. There were two bite marks. I sat Kuro down on the floor and kneeled in front of Zero to examine his hand.

"It's a pretty deep bite for such a small cat. Do you think there's a band-aid in one of these boxes?"

"It's fine. It's not bleeding bad. I'll be okay. Thank you though."

He put back on his glove. I began looking through boxes, in hopes of finding a clue. I coughed from the inhalation of dust.

"Zero, do you think there may be a key in here somewhere?"

"I'm not sure. Why?"

"The clue mentioned unlocking a door that was unlocked before. There's got to be something." I uttered, while continuing to rummage through the ancient box. I felt something slick under my fingers. It was a picture of Nunnally, Lelouch, Suzaku and the rest of the student council.

"I found an old picture of everyone on the student council." I muttered, "Everyone looks so happy in this picture." I flipped it over and found that the picture was in fact the second clue. I handed the picture to Zero.

The clue read, "Well done! You've found clue two! But you are not done! The next clue is nowhere new. Underground there was almost a boom, but we were saved thanks to Suzaku and Lelouch. Find clue three and you will be closer to finding me."

"I know where the next clue is. Follow me." Zero answered almost immediately.

"Where are we going?" I asked, following him closely.

"The circulation system. It's located in the lower levels."

We continued inside and boarded the elevator with the clue. I was still carrying Kuro in my arms. I wondered how Zero knew where the next clue was; the hint that Nunnally left was extremely vague. Not too long later, the elevator door to the lower levels opened.

"It's a lot less challenging to get down here that it was before," Zero murmured aloud. It sounded as if he was reminiscing, about his past perhaps. His voice had a bittersweet tone to it. It was as if remembering the incident reminded him of a pleasant time, but also reminded him that the happiness of that time is a mere memory. This made my curiosity grow more furiously and made me yearn to find out who this Zero is and what he was like before.

"Ah. So, you've been down here before. By the tone of your voice, it sounds like you have some good memories hidden down here. Taking a little detour down memory lane, Zero?" I probed playfully, internally urging him to give me a glimpse into his past. He answered my question with silence, as usual. We continued down the hall until we reached a set of titanic steel doors. Inside revealed running water and a solid pathway to stage like platform. There, in front of our feet, was the third clue. I picked it up, eager to read it; subsequently, my expression became puzzled.

"What is it?" Zero asked, noticing my expression.

"There are no words on this clue. It's just a drawing of a lemon." I replied, handing him the so-called clue, "We should have known it wouldn't be that easy."

"Let's go." Zero demanded.

"Where to?"

"Back to Nunnally's to figure this out."

We marched out of the lower levels and toward the elevator. I kept examining clue two and comparing it with the third clue.

"Zero, can you tell me something?" I asked. He nodded in response, "How much do you know about Suzaku and Lelouch's relationship? And their relationship with Nunnally? With eachother? I know a lot about Lelouch and Nunnally's relationship, but I never hear much about Suzaku. I thought I heard that they were all friends when they were children –when Emperor Charles sent them to Japan."

"What's with the sudden interest in Suzaku Kururugi?" he asked defensively.

"I was looking at the clues. They mention Suzaku and Lelouch. However, I'm also curious. I've heard so many different stories about him. I don't know. I just want to know more about him. That's all."

"At one point, Suzaku and Lelouch were very close friends; however, their conflicting methods of resolution tore them apart. They became enemies, and somewhere down the road, some would say they became friends again."

"Did you know him personally? Do you personally think that their friendship was mended?" I urged on, similar to a child excited for a bedtime story.

"I guess you could say that Suzaku and I were very close. I would like to believe that Suzaku and Lelouch were friends again toward the end."

"Was Suzaku really close to Nunnally?"

"Yeah. He probably thought of himself as her second brother."

"Hm." I pondered.

"What?"

"I just…I wonder why she never talks about him if they were really that close. These clues are the first time I've heard her mention Suzaku. It must be really hard on her. Both of her brothers being dead.." I answered solemnly.

We continued from the elevator doors down the hall toward the room.

"You know, I have always wondered why Suzaku joined with Lelouch out of nowhere. Maybe it had to do with Nunnally." I rambled. Zero listened carefully. "Now that I think about it, he became the Knight of Zero after the Final Battle in the Tokyo Settlement. When the FLEIJA was launched, it was assumed that Nunnally was dead. Not too long after that, Suzaku Kururugi became the Knight of Zero. Do you think I'm on to something?"

"I wouldn't know. I cut ties with him after he joined Lelouch," he answered in a sad voice. We entered the room. I rested on the ground and played around with Kuro. Zero sat in a chair only a few feet away from me, attempting to pet Arthur. I wanted him to talk to me. I wanted our conversations to be more than me blabbing about.

"We should try to get to know eachother a little more. Why don't you start by asking me something you would like to know, anything." I suggested. He was reluctant at first, but he complied.

"As a Japanese citizen, what were your views on Suzaku Kururugi? Honest answer."

A question about Suzaku Kururugi blind-sided me. No one had really asked about _my_ thoughts on him before. I admired his ambition to change the system by going through the system. His version would have been a longer path, but it could have resulted in less casualties.

"Truthfully, I wanted to meet him. I thought that what he was doing, trying to change the system, was a good thing. I also wanted to thank him."

"Thank him for what?"

"He may not have known it, but he saved my life." I elaborated, "You know, on the day of the massacre, my mother was killed. We were attending the Special Zone Commemoration. I had to escape. If it weren't for his family shrine, I would have been spotted and killed. So, I am thankful."

"The shrine is so close to the Special Zone site. Did they not search the shrine at all?"

"No. They did. I hid in the dojo until the coast was clear. But they didn't search extensively. There were many people just running around, not even trying to hide. That was one of the worst days of my life." I uttered. I was lying flat on my back with Kuro resting, fast asleep and purring, on my chest. That was the second time of the day that I was reminded of my mother's death and that horrid day.

"Shima," Zero whispered in a sad, solemn voice, "I'm so sorry." His voice cracked as if he were about to cry. I glanced up and found him slumped over hopelessly in the chair. Recently, I observed that he has much insecurity and constantly blames himself, even for events that he probably couldn't have changed. For some reason, he offers to be at fault, as if blame fueled his very reason for existing. I was unsure how to approach his apology. I lifted Kuro off of my chest and sat him down next to me. I crept over to Zero, still sitting on the ground, and leaned against his legs. The back of my head rested on his knee, while my face gawked into his faceless mask. I wanted to be able to look him in the eyes, to see his expression. Was it annoyed or gloomy? I wondered if he was gazing back at my face, or if he was even looking at me at all.

"My mother's death is not your fault. The one that killed her was a Britannian soldier. I'm not looking for a justification to rationalize her death. I know what happened. He was following orders that Euphemia gave."

"…Do you blame her?"

"No… I blame myself for being so weak. If I were stronger that day, I could have carried her."

"If Suzaku could have stopped Euphemia, then your mother would be alive. I should have been there."

"Suzaku Kururugi was knocked unconscious. He would have tried to stop it."

"Do you resent Euphemia?"

"I don't want to, but I just can't completely forgive it. I think the reason I have some resentment is because I felt betrayed. I truly, genuinely trusted her word, her vision for the Special Zone. I was excited. I thought, 'Maybe some Britannians aren't so bad'. I mean, I don't really know what happened. If that was her master plan or what. Later, I heard of the stories that Zero (previous) forced her into doing it, but I don't think I will ever be able to release my resentment until I know the truth of what happened that day."

"It wasn't like her... She wou- Euphemia would have never done that of her own free will. Just believe me."

"Zero," I uttered, placing my hand on his mask. Even though his identity remained anonymous, his personality was beginning to take shape in my mind. He was the type of person that always put others before himself. "If you ever want to talk, I'm right here, even if it's about something stupid."

"Stop worrying about me and worry about yourself." He muttered. He then kindly nudged me off of his knee and stood up. He tottered over to the kitchen and threw something in the microwave. Thirty seconds later he handed me a cup of coffee.

"What's this for?"

"It's your cup from earlier. You never finished it because of the scavenger hunt situation."

"Oh. Thank you." I replied, and then proceeded to take a sip. I looked at my phone for the time to find that it was already 3 in the afternoon, "It's already this late. Nunnally probably wants to be found soon. Will you hand me the clue?" Zero proceeded to the kitchen and started digging in the cabinets. I gazed over the wordless clue; I was frustrated and exhausted. Running around all day after last night was definitely Nunnally's way of getting me back. I held the clue above me, where it was engulfed in the natural light of the nearing sunset. Zero placed a bowl of soup in front of me.

"What's this?"

"Miso soup."

"Ah. Thank you, but I'm not hungry." I answered sheepishly.

"You really should eat. But I won't force you." He urged. I started slurping down the salty Miso soup; it was pretty good.

"Is this instant Miso?" I asked. Zero nodded.

"Do you like Miso? I didn't even ask."

"Yeah. It's cheap and delicious!" I answered with a smile. Zero sat down, examining the clue. "So, Zero, you told me you attended school festivals. Therefore, you must've been a student. What was your favorite subject?"

"Hm. I didn't really get to attend school regularly, so I never really got to figure out what I liked most. But what I can tell you is I liked history the least. What about you?"

"I enjoy science. I like practical science and social science. I used to read science books when I was a kid. In one book, it taught me how to write invisible messages with lemon juice. It works because the lemon juice is mildly acidic and acid weakens the paper. So, after the lemon juice has dried, the acid remains in the paper. To see what you wrote on the paper, you place it near heat, and the acidic parts of the paper will turn brown before the rest of the paper does."

"That's it!"

"What?" I asked.

"You solved the clue. She drew a lemon on this clue. An invisible message is the only clue that makes sense." He answered, placing the note by a light bulb. There, the brown letters appeared on the page. I was so happy to actually be useful to this clue. The clue revealed:

"CLUE 3: Shima, Zero, I am glad that you figured out this clue. To find the next clue: All players are valuable. Without sacrifice, resolution is impossible. King. Queen. Knight. Clue number 4 will be in the colored light."

I continued to eat my soup. Kuro jumped into my lap and started purring. He was so adorable.

"Do you think that it has something to do with chess?" I asked, "In a chess game, all of the players are valuable, but sacrifice is inevitable for victory."

"Where do you think the clue is?" he urged, restlessly. It was as if he already knew where it was and was only asking me to be courteous.

"I really don't know. Do you have an idea?"

"Follow me."

I followed closely, leaving Kuro and Arthur inside the room this time. It was getting late. We had been searching for hours now. The sun was beginning to set. Zero led me outside. I shadowed Zero to the next location: a church.

"I wasn't aware that there was a church here on campus." I mumbled, amazed at the church's beauty. We hurried inside, seeing that it had enormous and magnificent stained glass windows. They must've been the "colored light" Nunnally was speaking about.

"I've only been here once before." Zero whispered somberly as he walked toward the chessboard that was perfectly set by the stained glass windows. With the sun setting, the room was illuminated with color. Zero stood there mindlessly, staring blankly at the chessboard.

"What does the clue say?" I asked, trying to get his attention. He didn't respond. I walked toward him and placed my hand on his shoulder. "Zero? Are you alright?"

"Y- yeah." He stuttered weakly. He picked up the clue and handed it to me.

"_Final Clue: Up. Up. Up. Let's meet here._ What kind of clue is this?" I murmured to myself. I glanced over at Zero who still looked distracted. "Zero, let's head back to the room to figure this out."

He nodded and followed me out. I still felt that he had a heavy demeanor.

"So, thanks for today, for working together with me." I blurted, trying to lift the mood a little.

"You're welcome." He replied. We continued walking through the courtyard in silence until we heard a booming noise coming from the sky. As I looked up, I saw that the loud explosion was just fireworks.

"Where are they coming from?" I asked. Zero pointed at the roof as more fireworks took off.

"Let's go."

It made sense now. Nunnally was probably up there setting off those fireworks. She wanted us to meet up there and light fireworks with her. I followed Zero to the roof and found Nunnally. She was up there with many of her old friends from the student council.

"Nunnally!" I shouted happily as I leaned in and hugged her.

"I hope you had fun today, Shima," She answered, smiling sweetly. I lit some fireworks and chatted with Nunnally about my day. I even spoke with Nina for a little, as well as Milly. Nina gave off the vibe that she didn't really want to speak to me, but Milly was very lively. The whole ordeal was fun. I felt included, which was rare. Zero was sitting at the edge of the roof, starring off into the night sky.

"Hey," I greeted, taking a seat next to him.

"Hey."

"I didn't know Zero enjoys star-gazing." I mentioned playfully.

"It's more like gazing into the night sky helps me clear my mind a little," He chuckled, "Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Why, yes. Thank you for asking. The party is dying down a little though."

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. Why do you ask?"

"You've been running around with me all day, even though you're still injured from last night."

"My mind has been preoccupied all day, so I haven't really noticed it. Now that you mention it though, I am starting to feel sore in my abdomen again."

"Sorry. You should get some rest though."

"I will. But do you mind if I ask you something first?"

"Go ahead."

"Are you alright? You've seemed kind of down since we left the church."

"Yeah. I'm okay. I just have some bad memories of that church. Being there just resurfaced them. I'm okay though." He reassured.

"Okay. Well, if you ever need to talk, I'm here. I'm a very good listener." I replied with a sad smile. "I guess I'll head to bed. See ya." I winked.

I left Zero and said my goodbyes to the others and lastly Nunnally.

"I think I'm going to head to bed Nunnally. I have class tomorrow and it's getting a little late."

"I'm sorry if the scavenger hunt was a little exhausting. I nearly forgot that you were injured last night." She apologized.

"No, it's fine. Really. I had fun today."

"I'm glad."

"If you don't mind me asking, why did you make this scavenger hunt thing anyway? Were you trying to make me and Zero better acquaintances?"

"Zero mentioned to me that he wanted to get to know you a little better, so I devised a plan to make that happen." She smiled. "I hope my plan worked. You two seem to be much more comfortable around each other now."

"Yeah. It worked. Thanks Nunnally." I replied, walking toward the stairs, "Oh, Kuro is at your place Nunnally. Would you please take care of him for tonight?" Nunnally smiled and nodded yes. I proceeded down the staircase and to my bedroom.

I burst through the door with excitement and collapsed onto my bed. I gawked at the night sky through my window. Zero wanted to get to know me. I found that exhilarating. I wanted to know so much more about him, why he took on the role of Zero, his identity before Zero, his relentless need to blame himself, and so much more. He was so complex, and I couldn't get enough of his complexity. I've never felt so giddy before.

Zero was the last thing on my mind as I fell asleep. I didn't even manage to remove my bandages and change into my nightclothes. As I fell asleep, I wondered what thoughts were going through Zero's mind that night.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's Note:**__ Hey guys! Thank you for those of you that continue to read this, even after I took a 5-month break from posting any new chapters. I had a little bit of writers block. I plan to continue writing this story until I finish it. I don't know how long it will be in the end, but again, thank you so very much for reading! \\(^-^)/ This is a short chapter from Suzaku's perspective. (The info about Genbu Kururugi from Suzaku's memory is from sound episode stage 0.521 of code geass. You can youtube it! :D __)_

After Shima said her goodnights to Zero and everyone else, she walked toward the staircase to retire for the night. Zero remained on the rooftop cradling his knees, while gazing at the lustrous night sky. New memories engulfed his mind, memories that had been created today with Shima. Zero mentioned that he wanted to get to know her better, but he never imagined that Nunnally would have orchestrated such an arrangement. Zero didn't want to admit it to himself, but he had a good time by just being in Shima's presence. However, that's exactly why he needed to distance himself from her.

Zero realized that Shima was dangerous for him, for his endless atonement. He understood that she was a lively, beautiful person; the kind of person that would revoke his death wish. He knew that being around her would only make him desire life. He understood that this wish would destroy everything he and Lelouch worked for. Who would take the role of Zero if he ever retired? That was a thought he never considered, as his life was eternal because of the geass placed upon him. He assumed the role of Zero to maintain peace and justice and as his eternal punishment for his sins: for impulsively murdering his father, for betraying his country, for being a failure of a knight, for breathing. Suzaku Kururugi was a sinner and this was his punishment. A punishment that was much more suitable than death, a punishment he welcomed with open arms until now.

How was he supposed to serve his punishment with joy in his life? He saw life as nothing but eternal apology, but now, he was beginning to feel differently about it. He wanted to laugh again. He really did want to dance with Shima at the social. He wanted to live again. His heart ached at memories of participating in school festivals and piloting the Lancelot. His heart ached at the beautiful memories he had with Euphemia.

Zero also struggled with his newfound thoughts about Shima and his deep-rooted love for the deceased Euphemia. Shima was the type of person he could easily fall for: attractive, strong willed, reckless, and kind hearted. She embodied the same characteristics as Euphemia. Shima reminded him of Euphy through those enticing qualities. Guilt swept through his conscience. Secretly comparing the two didn't feel right. Zero still preserved the majority of his heart with his love for Euphemia, but he doubted that he could go on like that: a heart full of unrequited love and pain, a life full of dullness and penance.

"_Euphy. What should I do? I don't deserve happiness. I was a failure as your knight. I was a failure as a son. I betrayed my friends. I recognize that this life as Zero is my punishment, but what do I do with these feelings of yearning and desire for life?" _he pleaded quietly, hoping the answers would come to him. However,_ Z_ero's pleas remained unanswered. He looked around, hoping no one heard him.

Everyone else was still enjoying the social gathering. Most of the guests were leaving, while a few others continued to light small fireworks such as sparklers and fountains. Zero smiled at how happy everyone was.

"_All this was able to happen, thanks to you, Lelouch. No one even knows the truth." _Zero thought to himself. That's all he ever did, think to himself.

"Hope you had fun today." Nunnally interrupted. He was so lost in thought, he didn't notice that she had made her way next to him.

"I can't believe you actually put something like this together." Zero voiced. There was silence for a few minutes. Zero knew that something was troubling Nunnally's mind.

"What is it?"

"I know that my brother asked you to assume the role of Zero, but I just can't stand seeing you like this."

"Nunnally. This is my punishment. I cannot die. Otherwise, I-"

"Why do you blame yourself for everything? Why do you think that you need to die or to be penalized? I just don't understand. Why do you hate yourself so much? I don't hate you. I just miss you; you're here, but not really. I lost you, you and big brother-" Nunnally's voice broke as she tried holding back tears. Zero felt even guiltier for being the cause of Nunnally's pain. He kneeled down in front of her wheel chair and wiped away her sad tears. He wanted to wipe away the sadness in Nunnally's eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"Just please don't hate yourself."

Zero snickered to himself, as Nunnally's words reminded him of Euphemia. Nunnally continued, "I know that Suzaku is 'dead' and can never come back, but can't you try to enjoy living? You don't have to live everyday in shame. You're allowed to laugh and love and live. Even if you only choose to do so in front of certain people, it's okay. Can you do that for me?" She asked, urging for a response.

Zero glanced up at Nunnally, whose eyes were swollen and face red. He never realized how much she was suffering because of him.

"Okay. I'll try to let go of the self-blame and self-hatred." He answered insincerely.

"I'm not asking for an immediate change, but I just want to see you living –without having any second thoughts or guilt. I'm not asking you to stop being Zero."

Zero nodded.

"Are you ready for bed yet, Nunnally?" he asked, changing the subject to something less tense. Zero was mentally exhausted. He needed to be alone with his thoughts for the night.

"It's alright, Zero. You can go to sleep. I have Milly, Kallen, and Gino with me. They are capable of protecting me." She grinned. Zero didn't trust them, not because they weren't capable, but because he felt responsible for Nunnally. She was the Empress of Britannia. What kind of masked hero, Knight of Justice would leave her unattended? So, Zero ignored her plea and watched over the party for a little while longer, until everyone resided to their beds. Nunnally came first; she was more important that his disorganized thoughts.

Zero escorted Nunnally to bed after the party ended. She was also exhausted, falling asleep in her chair on the way to her room. He didn't want to wake her. So, Zero picked her up and placed her gently on her mattress. He even tucked her in.

"Big brother? Where are you? Who are you?" she yawned drowsily in her sleep, "Are you doing to hit me too? Big brother, where are you?" She rolled over.

"_She's dreaming about that day." _Zero thought to himself. It was the day Suzaku found out that his father was going to try to marry Nunnally. Even though she was a child, his father's only concern was the politics behind it. Young Suzaku didn't know why, but he loathed the very idea. He wasn't even close to Nunnally or Lelouch; however, he couldn't accept the proposal. No one else knew of the marriage proposal. Suzaku wasn't even supposed to know, but his father allowed him to listen in to that conversation that day. He never told anyone about it, not even Lelouch.

After returning from his thoughts, Zero found himself in his room. He was curled up in a ball, leaning against his door. He removed his mask and pushed his curly, unruly brown hair out of his face. He sat up and began to sob. He was at the end of his rope. He knew that if he allowed pleasure for himself, _for Suzaku_, he might never want to resume the burden of being Zero. He was afraid of losing sight of the Zero Requiem.

Nunnally wanted him to enjoy himself, even if that violated the Zero Requiem. He wanted to see Nunnally happy, and apart of him even wanted to see _himself_ happy again; however, Suzaku struggled with these concepts. What would he decide to do?

Suzaku picked himself up and wiped away the tears. He needed to stop pondering the pros and cons. He was the Masked Knight of Justice: Zero. He knew that. But he also knew Lelouch also left him to be Nunnally's protector. Through all of the chaos inside of Suzaku's mind, he went to bed thinking of Euphemia, hoping to see her in his dreams, hoping to find a ray of light in the darkness of his mind.


End file.
